My husband also was at Microsoft and heard about Bill's various emotional explosions. I can only imagine after reading your account, too how he must have acted at home towards Melinda.
Truly, such emotional dysregulated behavior towards those with lesser power is despicable. I feel the ick just reading how he felt entitled to yell at you like this.
Thank you for this, I'm so glad you posted it, and so quickly on the heels of the previous post.
It got me to thinking a lot about bosses who bully (and I think we've both had a similar boss, in the distant past). And I couldn't help but wonder what shit Bill Gates already had going on in his mind when he walked into that meeting, to blow up that way.
It also makes me wonder how much more productive meetings might be if the participants took a couple of minutes before the meeting even starts if they made a conscious effort to "reset" their emotions. Whatever crap just happened five minutes before you got here? Drop it. Take a few deep breaths, clear your mind, refocus.
Maybe that smacks too much of kumbaya. But I can't help feeling that Bill might've walked into that meeting still hot from the previous one, and how preventable that might've been.
I was told by someone who had been at Microsoft for a while that Billg gave this rant fairly often. That he had been handed that line about “we’ve learned our lesson” too often and it was guaranteed to set him off. Dunno if that’s true.
But let’s assume it was true. Wouldn’t you, as a leader, want to have a more considered response? Angry? Sure, but with some meat on that bone.
If it’s true that this was a frequent sore point for Bill, it makes his response even worse.
I just hated the whole toxic concept of business in the 80s and 90s+++ as some Roman Colosseum version of epic warrior battles. 🙄. Early incels? Yeah!
It seemed so backwardly primitive, and snarky immature posturing, considering the age of these boymen then. We had distinguished gentlemen of all pursuits in offices then. They’re gone.
Where is the educational training for emotional regulation and identification? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that is offered after things go off the rail.
I love how balanced this piece is. It takes immense maturity to look back on an abusive rant, strip away the harmful delivery, and admit, 'He was right to call out our glib answer.' That distinction between a fair question and toxic delivery is spot on.
Thank you Jay! It took me a long time to fully process everything and get to this point. Which again points to how damaging and senseless such bullying behavior is in a leader.
There’s great wisdom in this quote: people may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.
I began to experience aloha in my 40s and it is my aspiration in life now. ( It helps to not watch the news…)
I had a boss in the 80s who was vicious and vengeful, ripped a lot of people off of their commissions and bullied them. Then we learned she (executive level) was an abused wife. How is that an excuse? It was so bad that I was grinding my teeth to the point I had to get braces as an adult. This was the early days of the spate of books about co-dependency. When NOTHING you do is ever good enough. It’s weaponized manipulation.
Bruce Nordstrom was quoted as saying “we hire them young and burn ‘em out in three years”. I lasted 3.5. with TMJ!
As a Sperry, later Univac, worker in early days, I watched that company grow and those who got on board early. There’s no amount of white-washing his foundation can do to mitigate his reputation — even at that time.
It always comes out. Only hubris thinks they are immune.
oh thank you for this, especially hearing your soothing voice (that always lulls my cat to sleep! you relax him! 😊💕)
This should b required reading for anyone in a leadership position or anyone working with people - as a therapist i see the biggest pitfalls when admins or people in power in relations or at work do not use the power of metacognition and empathic POVs - little tweaks to get off the rage platform so that everyones' thinking brains, as u beautifully stated, can stay connected and "on-line" will restack this immediately thank you again for your deep insight and keen awareness of the role of being not only emotionally tolerant but intelligent⭐️🪷💕⭐️
On the one hand, I love that I am that soothing voice for you and your cat.
On the other hand, the truth will out. And the truth is that if you are using the “Listen” button, that isn’t me. It’s surprisingly close to me, but you will detect some pronunciation glitches if you listen closely. It doesn’t know how to handle Billg and Steveb, for example. When I wrote “…wound down”, it should be pronounced like the past tense of “to wind down”, but instead it pronounces it like a bloody wound.
It is so much better than artificial voices of the past that I was taken aback, to be honest. The fact that is close to my actual voice is a coincidence. It’s as if I had taken professional voice training. The voice is slightly deeper and has a bit more depth.
My husband also was at Microsoft and heard about Bill's various emotional explosions. I can only imagine after reading your account, too how he must have acted at home towards Melinda.
Truly, such emotional dysregulated behavior towards those with lesser power is despicable. I feel the ick just reading how he felt entitled to yell at you like this.
Thank you for this, I'm so glad you posted it, and so quickly on the heels of the previous post.
It got me to thinking a lot about bosses who bully (and I think we've both had a similar boss, in the distant past). And I couldn't help but wonder what shit Bill Gates already had going on in his mind when he walked into that meeting, to blow up that way.
It also makes me wonder how much more productive meetings might be if the participants took a couple of minutes before the meeting even starts if they made a conscious effort to "reset" their emotions. Whatever crap just happened five minutes before you got here? Drop it. Take a few deep breaths, clear your mind, refocus.
Maybe that smacks too much of kumbaya. But I can't help feeling that Bill might've walked into that meeting still hot from the previous one, and how preventable that might've been.
I was told by someone who had been at Microsoft for a while that Billg gave this rant fairly often. That he had been handed that line about “we’ve learned our lesson” too often and it was guaranteed to set him off. Dunno if that’s true.
But let’s assume it was true. Wouldn’t you, as a leader, want to have a more considered response? Angry? Sure, but with some meat on that bone.
If it’s true that this was a frequent sore point for Bill, it makes his response even worse.
I just hated the whole toxic concept of business in the 80s and 90s+++ as some Roman Colosseum version of epic warrior battles. 🙄. Early incels? Yeah!
It seemed so backwardly primitive, and snarky immature posturing, considering the age of these boymen then. We had distinguished gentlemen of all pursuits in offices then. They’re gone.
Where is the educational training for emotional regulation and identification? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that is offered after things go off the rail.
I love how balanced this piece is. It takes immense maturity to look back on an abusive rant, strip away the harmful delivery, and admit, 'He was right to call out our glib answer.' That distinction between a fair question and toxic delivery is spot on.
Thank you Jay! It took me a long time to fully process everything and get to this point. Which again points to how damaging and senseless such bullying behavior is in a leader.
There’s great wisdom in this quote: people may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.
I began to experience aloha in my 40s and it is my aspiration in life now. ( It helps to not watch the news…)
I had a boss in the 80s who was vicious and vengeful, ripped a lot of people off of their commissions and bullied them. Then we learned she (executive level) was an abused wife. How is that an excuse? It was so bad that I was grinding my teeth to the point I had to get braces as an adult. This was the early days of the spate of books about co-dependency. When NOTHING you do is ever good enough. It’s weaponized manipulation.
Bruce Nordstrom was quoted as saying “we hire them young and burn ‘em out in three years”. I lasted 3.5. with TMJ!
As a Sperry, later Univac, worker in early days, I watched that company grow and those who got on board early. There’s no amount of white-washing his foundation can do to mitigate his reputation — even at that time.
It always comes out. Only hubris thinks they are immune.
Fear makes us all stupider. Great insights here.
oh thank you for this, especially hearing your soothing voice (that always lulls my cat to sleep! you relax him! 😊💕)
This should b required reading for anyone in a leadership position or anyone working with people - as a therapist i see the biggest pitfalls when admins or people in power in relations or at work do not use the power of metacognition and empathic POVs - little tweaks to get off the rage platform so that everyones' thinking brains, as u beautifully stated, can stay connected and "on-line" will restack this immediately thank you again for your deep insight and keen awareness of the role of being not only emotionally tolerant but intelligent⭐️🪷💕⭐️
On the one hand, I love that I am that soothing voice for you and your cat.
On the other hand, the truth will out. And the truth is that if you are using the “Listen” button, that isn’t me. It’s surprisingly close to me, but you will detect some pronunciation glitches if you listen closely. It doesn’t know how to handle Billg and Steveb, for example. When I wrote “…wound down”, it should be pronounced like the past tense of “to wind down”, but instead it pronounces it like a bloody wound.
It is so much better than artificial voices of the past that I was taken aback, to be honest. The fact that is close to my actual voice is a coincidence. It’s as if I had taken professional voice training. The voice is slightly deeper and has a bit more depth.
Gawd that is beyond creepy!!